Maybe I have learned something

I've mentioned before that I'd thought this blog would be full of profound thoughts, but am surprised that it's been mostly news and venting. I do have profound thoughts, but they tend to come when I'm not on the internet and I forget them before I sit down!

I think I'm finally learning to accept that I can't fix everything, and that even some things that I can fix need to be walked away from.

Dad's cancer and Mom's dementia are clearly things I can't fix. I have, and continue to, do things to keep things safe and comfortable for my parents, but I've respected their wishes and not called in the army of doctors that I've wanted to. When August 1 comes, I will move back home, leaving Mom to live alone. I accept that there will likely be a "train wreck" and hope that the first one isn't fatal, but I can't micromanage her life.

These lessons are translating to smaller issues. I went home this past weekend to help Boyfriend and his Daughter to with the huge garage sale and to spend the 4th with my friends. Mom came along. I was mortified at the condition of my house. The breaking point came when I used the master bathroom and found no soap, no towels and no toilet paper. Someone had actually taken the lid off of the liquid hand soap, used the dregs, and left the dispenser on the counter. Let's not even mention the condition of the floor and fixtures.

Boyfriend said that he was so busy with the garage sale that he'd run out of time to clean up the house. I can't believe my Mom saw my house that way. Oh yeah, and he had invited guests for a cookout on Saturday too! I did a quick clean on the bathroom, and did 2 rounds of kitchen cleanup that just resulted in it getting messed up again, but then I stopped. Just stopped.

The mess wasn't my mess. There were a ton of other things going on. I was VISITING, not hired as a maid or cook. After making a batch of potato salad for the cookout, I turned the rest of the dinner for 12 over to Boyfriend. I sat in my living room, drank a beer and talked to my friends. I let him run around setting up tables and the like. My friends were very impressed at my restraint and told me that it was all OK. They realized that the condition of the house wasn't me at all.

I'm still appalled that the master bedroom wasn't cleaned up for my Mom, but I physically and emotionally can't handle cleaning up other people's "messes" when they are capable of doing it themselves. My plate is full with all of the responsibilities I already had, plus Mom's legitimate needs that I CAN help with.

Now if I can just remember this in October...