Yesterday I was very anxious about getting back to my "real life", so I settled in with Randy Pauch's "Time Management" video. A friend pointed this video out to me about 2 years ago, long before Dad was ill and as The Last Lecture was growing in popularity, but not a cult phenomenon yet.
I was drawn to him quickly. His animated lecture style reminded me a bit of myself, especially the random tangents. His quest for a better way to do things, resulting in a hodge podge of several time management methods reminded me of my searching for THE book, office supply or piece of software that will finally help me get it together. Finally, his lecture made many references to junior faculty, mentioning that putting "get tenure" on your to do list is a bad idea. He was right up my alley!
I did watch The Last Lecture video, and did follow his struggle through his web page. I was saddened by his death. When Dad was diagnosed with cancer, I understood a bit more of his talks, but didn't read or watch them the entire time Dad was sick. I was living it, I didn't need to watch it too (I felt the same way about the TV show "House").
So, with less than 48 hours until I leave, and go back to what seemed like an already stretched to the limit life, but with "long distance caregiver" added to my list of roles, what did I learn?
I was able to look back on my "usual" work habits and see a lot of wasted time. Time where I'm too tired, distracted or lazy to be productive. I've got to keep a "time journal" to figure out my good times for brain work and my good times for busy work.
My procrastination is fear. No two ways about it. Now I just need to deal with the fear.
I need to work more effiiently so that I have TIME for my family, friends and hobbies. Those have been neglected for too long.
The average American spends 28 hours per week watching TV. I know that's true in my house. There will be a TV timer, and a chunk of the evening that is TV free.
I've got one of the greatest jobs in the world, with a large amount of freedom. I need to be more responsible with that freedom.
I'm supposed to look back at the video in 30 days and see what has changed. That will be somewhere during the first week of classes. Should be interesting.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
t-minus 4 days
After 7 months living at Mom and Dad's, I'm down to 4 days. There's so much to do. Mom's glucose monitoring system will be here tomorrow, and she'll be trained on it Saturday AM. We want to take in the fair, and a few other things before I leave. I've got to pack. There's a few things that I said I'd do "next week" that need to be done NOW-doctor's lists, info to lawyers etc.
One fun thing that we're working on is getting Mom back to using her e-mail, and teaching her to use Skype. Dad always helped Mom do her e-mail, because she forgets how it works and lets the computer get her flustered. I've got her Mac set up so that her "dock" only has mail and skype, and I'm sitting with her as she works on e-mail. I think she's getting it. I bought her a webcam, and she's absolutely amazed by the Skype video calls. She seems open to talking over the webcam every time, now I'll have to make the time to do it.
I feel myself pullled back into work. There's some new policies complicating a project that I'm trying to finish. Demand for the courses in my subfield is well over what we planned for. My chair is doing a great job dealing with it all and keeping me out of it-I knew nothing of this until I called about another matter and asked. I'm really looking forward to getting back to work. The break has been really good, but I'm tired of having nothing to do!
One fun thing that we're working on is getting Mom back to using her e-mail, and teaching her to use Skype. Dad always helped Mom do her e-mail, because she forgets how it works and lets the computer get her flustered. I've got her Mac set up so that her "dock" only has mail and skype, and I'm sitting with her as she works on e-mail. I think she's getting it. I bought her a webcam, and she's absolutely amazed by the Skype video calls. She seems open to talking over the webcam every time, now I'll have to make the time to do it.
I feel myself pullled back into work. There's some new policies complicating a project that I'm trying to finish. Demand for the courses in my subfield is well over what we planned for. My chair is doing a great job dealing with it all and keeping me out of it-I knew nothing of this until I called about another matter and asked. I'm really looking forward to getting back to work. The break has been really good, but I'm tired of having nothing to do!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Day 5. Shooter as student
Jumping ahead to day 5, "center fire" day. Centerfire is 90 shots with handguns chambered for .32 to .45 caliber. I shoot .45 in both centerfire and .45.
I was disappointed with my scores from .22 day, and really wanted to improve with my .45. Sadly, slow fire remained a problem, with a high of 70/100 and an aggregate of 670/900. I left the range still very disappointed. I'm frustrated that after 5 years of playing this game off and on, I'm still not progressing at all. I'm still a "marksman", the lowest classification.
I headed to the team match and offered to be the one shooter sitting out for the day, because I had too much "bad juju" to shoot for the team. My captain didn't seem too thrilled, but it saved him deciding two would sit out. Two of our team members had awful matches and we scored poorly. Big bummer day.
My bad mood stayed, until sometime in the evening when it hit me, that my mental moping sounded a lot like my students. I could hear "but Dr. A, I read the book and I understand lecture, why am I getting an Cs on the exam?". My answer is always "Are you working the problems? The exams are like the book problems. You've got to practice what you're going to be expected to play."
I've read the classic books on bullseye shooting and attended some incredible clinics, but my actual practice of shooting has been inconsistent. Between work, life, ranges being farther away, lack of money etc, I've just not "worked the problems" of the sport since I left Colorado. My scores are in the 70% area; I'm getting a C in shooting.
So I start the last day of Perry with the goals of a solid marksman score, positive self talk and having fun. Soon I need to figure out how important this is to me, and how much time I'm willing and able to put in to improving. Between long distance caregiving and the last year on the tenure track, I will likely be a marksman for another year or so, and I need to be OK with that.
On a totally different note, I scored one of the Army Marksmanship Unit teams, I think it's actually their top team. They're amazing to watch.
I was disappointed with my scores from .22 day, and really wanted to improve with my .45. Sadly, slow fire remained a problem, with a high of 70/100 and an aggregate of 670/900. I left the range still very disappointed. I'm frustrated that after 5 years of playing this game off and on, I'm still not progressing at all. I'm still a "marksman", the lowest classification.
I headed to the team match and offered to be the one shooter sitting out for the day, because I had too much "bad juju" to shoot for the team. My captain didn't seem too thrilled, but it saved him deciding two would sit out. Two of our team members had awful matches and we scored poorly. Big bummer day.
My bad mood stayed, until sometime in the evening when it hit me, that my mental moping sounded a lot like my students. I could hear "but Dr. A, I read the book and I understand lecture, why am I getting an Cs on the exam?". My answer is always "Are you working the problems? The exams are like the book problems. You've got to practice what you're going to be expected to play."
I've read the classic books on bullseye shooting and attended some incredible clinics, but my actual practice of shooting has been inconsistent. Between work, life, ranges being farther away, lack of money etc, I've just not "worked the problems" of the sport since I left Colorado. My scores are in the 70% area; I'm getting a C in shooting.
So I start the last day of Perry with the goals of a solid marksman score, positive self talk and having fun. Soon I need to figure out how important this is to me, and how much time I'm willing and able to put in to improving. Between long distance caregiving and the last year on the tenure track, I will likely be a marksman for another year or so, and I need to be OK with that.
On a totally different note, I scored one of the Army Marksmanship Unit teams, I think it's actually their top team. They're amazing to watch.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Camp Perry Days 1-2, summarized
Whew. I can't believe I've already been here 3 days! I didn't get time to post the first couple, so here's a brief summary.
Sunday was driving/move in day. My Envoy was full, but I could still see out of all of the windows, so it wasn't overfull. Arrived at Perry uneventfully and went through "inprocessing". I finished that, still quite confused about what I was shooting and when, but decided I could figure it out as I went. We checked out our hut, which clearly hadn't been used since last summer, and set about deploying the bug bomb. A few hours later we began sweeping out cobwebs from top to bottom and cleaning the flat surfaces. Home sweet home!
Monday was Small Arms Firing School. We had a 3 hour classroom session, then we headed out to the range to shoot the Beretta M9 pistols, under the coaching of members of the Army and Marine Corps marksmanship teams. The Gunnery Sergent who worked with me pointed out the things I'm doing well (more than I realized) and we discussed my stance problems. Turns out the answer is to get to the gym and build strength in my upper body and core (whoda thunk it).
The range training was a bit unorganized, and we didn't realize we'd be sitting in the sun for over 3 hours. I have a very interesting set of sunburn lines on my legs from sitting "indian style".
Dinner was hotdogs and muchies at the Shooter's Reception and to bed in the hut.
Tuesday was a Civilian Marksmanship Program match, meaning you use a .45 caliber or 9 mm pistol to military specs-no fancy stuff, with military ammo. I had to buy some military ammo and grips for one of Dad's .45s. I shot quite well, considering I had no idea what the ammo would do. After the match, lunch, a nap and a cookout.
Yesterday I realized how AWESOME it is to be here. First, any day where THE most important thing I do is shoot is a great day. Second, it is so amazing to be surrounded by shooters, guns and supplies and no one is freaking out. People are passing around and looking at each others' guns while sitting in front of their huts or walking along commercial row. People walk to the armorer's trucks with guns, just carrying them in hand with the actions open. There's no hiding our hobby, no one thinks we're weird, asks if we plan to kill someone or any of the other weird responses I've gotten to being a shooter.
It's paradise.
Sunday was driving/move in day. My Envoy was full, but I could still see out of all of the windows, so it wasn't overfull. Arrived at Perry uneventfully and went through "inprocessing". I finished that, still quite confused about what I was shooting and when, but decided I could figure it out as I went. We checked out our hut, which clearly hadn't been used since last summer, and set about deploying the bug bomb. A few hours later we began sweeping out cobwebs from top to bottom and cleaning the flat surfaces. Home sweet home!
Monday was Small Arms Firing School. We had a 3 hour classroom session, then we headed out to the range to shoot the Beretta M9 pistols, under the coaching of members of the Army and Marine Corps marksmanship teams. The Gunnery Sergent who worked with me pointed out the things I'm doing well (more than I realized) and we discussed my stance problems. Turns out the answer is to get to the gym and build strength in my upper body and core (whoda thunk it).
The range training was a bit unorganized, and we didn't realize we'd be sitting in the sun for over 3 hours. I have a very interesting set of sunburn lines on my legs from sitting "indian style".
Dinner was hotdogs and muchies at the Shooter's Reception and to bed in the hut.
Tuesday was a Civilian Marksmanship Program match, meaning you use a .45 caliber or 9 mm pistol to military specs-no fancy stuff, with military ammo. I had to buy some military ammo and grips for one of Dad's .45s. I shot quite well, considering I had no idea what the ammo would do. After the match, lunch, a nap and a cookout.
Yesterday I realized how AWESOME it is to be here. First, any day where THE most important thing I do is shoot is a great day. Second, it is so amazing to be surrounded by shooters, guns and supplies and no one is freaking out. People are passing around and looking at each others' guns while sitting in front of their huts or walking along commercial row. People walk to the armorer's trucks with guns, just carrying them in hand with the actions open. There's no hiding our hobby, no one thinks we're weird, asks if we plan to kill someone or any of the other weird responses I've gotten to being a shooter.
It's paradise.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Camp Perry Preparation
The countdown is on. I plan to leave for Camp Perry in 24 hours. The packing has reached a fever pitch.
Ah, packing. I'll be gone for a week, staying on the south shore of Lake Erie. The weather is a huge variable, so one has to pack for heat, cold, rain, dry, bugs etc. You get the picture. Competition is outdoors, in grass, without cover, so one must dress for that. We will go into town for dinner, so decent attire for dinner is needed too.
Gear for the competition is also needed. I use 2 different guns, and I'm bringing "backups" for both of them. I spent most of yesterday loading ammunition and this morning I packed all the supplies for cleaning and doing any needed repairs on the guns.
Then there's all the stuff for the "hut". Since it's my first trip to Perry, I'm being brave and staying in the "traditional" competitor housing-the 14' x 14' huts that were constructed and originally used for German and Italian POWs during WWII. The hut has 4 military issue twin beds-and that's it. Hut's are described in the registration packet as "livable, but austere". So one packs a lot of stuff to make a hut into a home.
I'll be staying with two other women, and it's the first time at Perry for all of us. I know that we're all overpacking.
I'm SO excited to get going. More later, including photos.
Ah, packing. I'll be gone for a week, staying on the south shore of Lake Erie. The weather is a huge variable, so one has to pack for heat, cold, rain, dry, bugs etc. You get the picture. Competition is outdoors, in grass, without cover, so one must dress for that. We will go into town for dinner, so decent attire for dinner is needed too.
Gear for the competition is also needed. I use 2 different guns, and I'm bringing "backups" for both of them. I spent most of yesterday loading ammunition and this morning I packed all the supplies for cleaning and doing any needed repairs on the guns.
Then there's all the stuff for the "hut". Since it's my first trip to Perry, I'm being brave and staying in the "traditional" competitor housing-the 14' x 14' huts that were constructed and originally used for German and Italian POWs during WWII. The hut has 4 military issue twin beds-and that's it. Hut's are described in the registration packet as "livable, but austere". So one packs a lot of stuff to make a hut into a home.
I'll be staying with two other women, and it's the first time at Perry for all of us. I know that we're all overpacking.
I'm SO excited to get going. More later, including photos.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Finally, MY vacation
This blog is going to get very interesting in the next week or so. I've decided to share my hobby with the blogosphere.
Dr. UpsideDown is a competitive pistol shooter. Yep, college professor and NRA member. I compete in a sport called "Conventional Pistol" or "Bullseye". We shoot at paper targets with handguns at distances of 25 and 50 yards, one handed. I've shot for years and competed pretty regularly before getting on the tenure track. With my leave, I had time to get somewhat back into it, but what leave really gave me time to do is to shoot in THE BIG ONE. The National Matches, a weeklong series of shoots at Camp Perry, in Port Clinton, Ohio.
It's going to be quite an experience, one that I'll share here. The National Matches are steeped in traditions that take on mythical proportions in the local clubs.
But for me, it will be a week with no one to take care of but myself. No parents, no boyfriends, no students, just me. Yes, I'll still be calling Mom several times a day to check blood sugars and such, but I'll be mostly on my own. I can't wait.
Dr. UpsideDown is a competitive pistol shooter. Yep, college professor and NRA member. I compete in a sport called "Conventional Pistol" or "Bullseye". We shoot at paper targets with handguns at distances of 25 and 50 yards, one handed. I've shot for years and competed pretty regularly before getting on the tenure track. With my leave, I had time to get somewhat back into it, but what leave really gave me time to do is to shoot in THE BIG ONE. The National Matches, a weeklong series of shoots at Camp Perry, in Port Clinton, Ohio.
It's going to be quite an experience, one that I'll share here. The National Matches are steeped in traditions that take on mythical proportions in the local clubs.
But for me, it will be a week with no one to take care of but myself. No parents, no boyfriends, no students, just me. Yes, I'll still be calling Mom several times a day to check blood sugars and such, but I'll be mostly on my own. I can't wait.
Maybe I have learned something
I've mentioned before that I'd thought this blog would be full of profound thoughts, but am surprised that it's been mostly news and venting. I do have profound thoughts, but they tend to come when I'm not on the internet and I forget them before I sit down!
I think I'm finally learning to accept that I can't fix everything, and that even some things that I can fix need to be walked away from.
Dad's cancer and Mom's dementia are clearly things I can't fix. I have, and continue to, do things to keep things safe and comfortable for my parents, but I've respected their wishes and not called in the army of doctors that I've wanted to. When August 1 comes, I will move back home, leaving Mom to live alone. I accept that there will likely be a "train wreck" and hope that the first one isn't fatal, but I can't micromanage her life.
These lessons are translating to smaller issues. I went home this past weekend to help Boyfriend and his Daughter to with the huge garage sale and to spend the 4th with my friends. Mom came along. I was mortified at the condition of my house. The breaking point came when I used the master bathroom and found no soap, no towels and no toilet paper. Someone had actually taken the lid off of the liquid hand soap, used the dregs, and left the dispenser on the counter. Let's not even mention the condition of the floor and fixtures.
Boyfriend said that he was so busy with the garage sale that he'd run out of time to clean up the house. I can't believe my Mom saw my house that way. Oh yeah, and he had invited guests for a cookout on Saturday too! I did a quick clean on the bathroom, and did 2 rounds of kitchen cleanup that just resulted in it getting messed up again, but then I stopped. Just stopped.
The mess wasn't my mess. There were a ton of other things going on. I was VISITING, not hired as a maid or cook. After making a batch of potato salad for the cookout, I turned the rest of the dinner for 12 over to Boyfriend. I sat in my living room, drank a beer and talked to my friends. I let him run around setting up tables and the like. My friends were very impressed at my restraint and told me that it was all OK. They realized that the condition of the house wasn't me at all.
I'm still appalled that the master bedroom wasn't cleaned up for my Mom, but I physically and emotionally can't handle cleaning up other people's "messes" when they are capable of doing it themselves. My plate is full with all of the responsibilities I already had, plus Mom's legitimate needs that I CAN help with.
Now if I can just remember this in October...
I think I'm finally learning to accept that I can't fix everything, and that even some things that I can fix need to be walked away from.
Dad's cancer and Mom's dementia are clearly things I can't fix. I have, and continue to, do things to keep things safe and comfortable for my parents, but I've respected their wishes and not called in the army of doctors that I've wanted to. When August 1 comes, I will move back home, leaving Mom to live alone. I accept that there will likely be a "train wreck" and hope that the first one isn't fatal, but I can't micromanage her life.
These lessons are translating to smaller issues. I went home this past weekend to help Boyfriend and his Daughter to with the huge garage sale and to spend the 4th with my friends. Mom came along. I was mortified at the condition of my house. The breaking point came when I used the master bathroom and found no soap, no towels and no toilet paper. Someone had actually taken the lid off of the liquid hand soap, used the dregs, and left the dispenser on the counter. Let's not even mention the condition of the floor and fixtures.
Boyfriend said that he was so busy with the garage sale that he'd run out of time to clean up the house. I can't believe my Mom saw my house that way. Oh yeah, and he had invited guests for a cookout on Saturday too! I did a quick clean on the bathroom, and did 2 rounds of kitchen cleanup that just resulted in it getting messed up again, but then I stopped. Just stopped.
The mess wasn't my mess. There were a ton of other things going on. I was VISITING, not hired as a maid or cook. After making a batch of potato salad for the cookout, I turned the rest of the dinner for 12 over to Boyfriend. I sat in my living room, drank a beer and talked to my friends. I let him run around setting up tables and the like. My friends were very impressed at my restraint and told me that it was all OK. They realized that the condition of the house wasn't me at all.
I'm still appalled that the master bedroom wasn't cleaned up for my Mom, but I physically and emotionally can't handle cleaning up other people's "messes" when they are capable of doing it themselves. My plate is full with all of the responsibilities I already had, plus Mom's legitimate needs that I CAN help with.
Now if I can just remember this in October...
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