I tried to write a eulogy for Dad, but had a heck of a time. I couldn't make the darned thing flow the way I wanted to. So I wound up making a list. I thought I'd share it with all of you...
In his heart, I think Dad was a teacher. He taught insurance literacy to high school students, he taught shooting, and he taught me more things than I can even think of.
Things like
-put it back the way you found it
-and the related put it away as soon as you’re done with it, it’s less work
-accidents are caused by carelessness
-but car accidents aren’t worth getting upset over. As long as no one is hurt.
-common courtesy
-there are no “little people” in an organization. The support people are more important than the bosses
-do dishes in the hottest water you can handle, washing the silverware and glasses first since they go in your mouth
-knowing how to touch type is incredibly useful (this was before computers)
-you need to know your own principles and opinions, backed up by facts, but you don’t need to push them on other people all the time
-treat every gun is loaded. Check and check again, hand them over with the actions/cylinders open
-don’t jack your mother up (still working on that one), seems like it will be more important now
-old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill
-sometimes, a well worded letter is the only way to address the problem
-if you can’t write it, ask Irving J. Kowalski to do it
-you can do anything, being a girl has nothing to do with it
-Robert Heinlen, Isaac Asimov, Ayn Rand, Harry Chapin, Ogden Nash, Tom Lehrer, Bela Legosi, Bram Stoker
-lay still, be quiet, close your eyes and go to sleep!
-front sight front sight front sight
-if you realize you needed it, add it to your gun bag/packing list/glove box/purse
-packing a car requires careful examination of the shapes of the trunk and the things to be packed.
-don’t leave things until the last minute
-don’t borrow money or tools from friends or family
-when you fish, you’ve got to move the bait around.
-don’t throw cigarette butts on the ground or out the car window
-always run early. On time is as good as late
-Keep the cars maintained
Friday, April 24, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
He snuck out on us
Dad snuck out on us around 11 this morning. He was sleeping peacefully, as we were sitting around reading the paper and I noticed that he was very pale. He'd slipped away while we weren't paying attention. Just like him.
More later.
More later.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Vigil
My plans from Friday didn't make it off of the drawing board. On Sunday, Dad presented with pneumonia. By the late evening he was unresponsive and this morning we ordered hospice.
Friends are beginning to come by and visit. Not all want to see Dad, and I'm sure he understands. As a kid he was always advising me to "remember people at their best".
My biggest fear of this day was that I wouldn't be able to make the decisions that Dad wanted and stick to them, but it worked out OK. I put the necessary paperwork in with no hesitation and no second thoughts.
Now we wait.
Friends are beginning to come by and visit. Not all want to see Dad, and I'm sure he understands. As a kid he was always advising me to "remember people at their best".
My biggest fear of this day was that I wouldn't be able to make the decisions that Dad wanted and stick to them, but it worked out OK. I put the necessary paperwork in with no hesitation and no second thoughts.
Now we wait.
Friday, April 10, 2009
I'm Taking You Home
We're bringing Dad home and conducting rehab here. He's too miserable at the nursing home to get well.
Falling
I didn't realize there had been such a gap in posts. I kept waiting for things to "settle down" so I could blog about them, but they never have.
Dad has a new trick, falling out of his bed and wheelchair. I'm not sure if he is falling in his sleep, dreaming he can walk on his own and "forgetting" when he wakes up, or just being impatient and difficult about asking for and waiting for help. He's fallen 5 times since my last post, 4 of which resulted in trips to the ER because of nursing home policy. Once he split his head open and needed stitches, and on fall #3 or 4 they kept him for the weekend to make sure there were no changes in the MRI or other obvious reasons for his falls.
Yesterday we went to the oncologist and got more good news, the tumor still has not grown. There is a lot of swelling around the tumor, which has severely impaired his speech and right side. The impairment has Dad very frustrated, and he really seems to have given up. Medications have been adjusted to try to fight the swelling and fatigue, but I'm not sure how we fight the attitude.
I know that as the caregiver I'm supposed to allow Dad to feel angry, frustrated etc, but I'm hitting the wall on that. He's stubborn, impatient, demanding and difficult. Mom can barely stand to be around him and generally leaves the nursing home in tears. Last night was fall #5. Mom and I didn't go to the ER. Mom was very upset and I didn't want to leave her alone. The nursing home wants a meeting today to figure out what to do about the falls-he's now gone through every fall intervention in their book. Last night they mentioned having a friend or family member around him 24/7, but with only the 2 of us, I just don't see how we can do that. I have a feeling I'll be spending Easter weekend looking for a new nursing home.
When I was a kid, Dad made "chore cards" for me, which listed my daily responsibilities, and that I had to check 4 times a day to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything (Dr. UpsideDown has always been a scatterbrain). I'm actually thinking of making chore cards for all 3 of us, and showing Dad that his chore list isn't that long, and that he's not living up to his responsibilities in this family. Maybe going back to the principles that were central to him when he was raising me will jog something. I just don't know.
Dad has a new trick, falling out of his bed and wheelchair. I'm not sure if he is falling in his sleep, dreaming he can walk on his own and "forgetting" when he wakes up, or just being impatient and difficult about asking for and waiting for help. He's fallen 5 times since my last post, 4 of which resulted in trips to the ER because of nursing home policy. Once he split his head open and needed stitches, and on fall #3 or 4 they kept him for the weekend to make sure there were no changes in the MRI or other obvious reasons for his falls.
Yesterday we went to the oncologist and got more good news, the tumor still has not grown. There is a lot of swelling around the tumor, which has severely impaired his speech and right side. The impairment has Dad very frustrated, and he really seems to have given up. Medications have been adjusted to try to fight the swelling and fatigue, but I'm not sure how we fight the attitude.
I know that as the caregiver I'm supposed to allow Dad to feel angry, frustrated etc, but I'm hitting the wall on that. He's stubborn, impatient, demanding and difficult. Mom can barely stand to be around him and generally leaves the nursing home in tears. Last night was fall #5. Mom and I didn't go to the ER. Mom was very upset and I didn't want to leave her alone. The nursing home wants a meeting today to figure out what to do about the falls-he's now gone through every fall intervention in their book. Last night they mentioned having a friend or family member around him 24/7, but with only the 2 of us, I just don't see how we can do that. I have a feeling I'll be spending Easter weekend looking for a new nursing home.
When I was a kid, Dad made "chore cards" for me, which listed my daily responsibilities, and that I had to check 4 times a day to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything (Dr. UpsideDown has always been a scatterbrain). I'm actually thinking of making chore cards for all 3 of us, and showing Dad that his chore list isn't that long, and that he's not living up to his responsibilities in this family. Maybe going back to the principles that were central to him when he was raising me will jog something. I just don't know.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Are YOU taking care of yourself?
As I enter month 4 of caregiving/professional leave, I'm becoming annoyed with this question. First, I wonder if I really look awful, since people keep asking. Second, I really don't know how to answer.
For the record, I think I'm taking care of myself. I have no problem eating and I sleep a lot. I'm in an aerobics class and a yoga class, and I usually make it to them. I get out of the house for my tutoring and I go to the coffee shop and read several days a week. I'm making slow and unsteady progress on losing the 20 lbs that I need to lose, but that's not my focus. I got a haircut, went to the dentist and am taking care of some other medical loose ends here in Parentville.
But there's a snarky side of me that wants to point out that I've run out of paychecks and am into my emergency fund already. Tutoring has to support me until my paychecks start back up in mid-September. I have a huge knot in my shoulder/neck. I cringe when the phone rings, fearing it's another problem at the nursing home. I dread going there because my Dad is so depressed. I'm feeling stressed about my lack of research progress this year. I'm really lonely and see no light at the end of the tunnel for going to my home any time soon. I left my makeup bag at home the last time I was there, and haven't bothered to buy new or have it sent.
Don't get me wrong, I know that the people who are asking care about me deeply and mean very well. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. It's just a question that I'm not fond of this week.
For the record, I think I'm taking care of myself. I have no problem eating and I sleep a lot. I'm in an aerobics class and a yoga class, and I usually make it to them. I get out of the house for my tutoring and I go to the coffee shop and read several days a week. I'm making slow and unsteady progress on losing the 20 lbs that I need to lose, but that's not my focus. I got a haircut, went to the dentist and am taking care of some other medical loose ends here in Parentville.
But there's a snarky side of me that wants to point out that I've run out of paychecks and am into my emergency fund already. Tutoring has to support me until my paychecks start back up in mid-September. I have a huge knot in my shoulder/neck. I cringe when the phone rings, fearing it's another problem at the nursing home. I dread going there because my Dad is so depressed. I'm feeling stressed about my lack of research progress this year. I'm really lonely and see no light at the end of the tunnel for going to my home any time soon. I left my makeup bag at home the last time I was there, and haven't bothered to buy new or have it sent.
Don't get me wrong, I know that the people who are asking care about me deeply and mean very well. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. It's just a question that I'm not fond of this week.
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