Back to Work

With Dad's medical crisis mostly over, I decided it was time to roll up my sleeves and get back to some intellectual work. I've designated the coffee house at the bottom of the street "my office" and try to head down there every morning and do some reading related to my classes.

I've started slowly, reading some lighter topics first. For the past week I've been reading about writing about chemistry, trying to think through my senior level "writing intensive" course. I've written a draft of a scavenger hunt, to get the students more comfortable with finding the things that they need in the ACS Style Guide, the writing handbook for chemistry. I think it's been a productive week.

Relentless

I've not yet managed to post about the week of the 9th. Maybe I'll get to it later. Dad has been in a nursing home since Friday. He's got some breathing trouble and can't manage all the stairs at home. Between the hospital and the nursing home, he's been away from home for 10 days now, and I've been running point at home, with Mom and with Dad and his medical professionals.

My parents are relentless. I imagine my friends with children must sometimes feel the same way about their children. We've been to the hospital or nursing home every day, some days for 9-10 hours. Mom had had doctors appointments, we've been trying to get legal stuff set up, and Mom's been trying to pull stuff together for taxes. I'm pulled 16 directions at once, and I don't seem to be making anyone happy.

Mom has dementia of unknown cause and she's been diabetic (type one) for over 50 years. Her memory is beyond poor, and she can be stubborn, rude and totally ungrateful. I'm tired of trying to anticipate everything and getting yelled at for it. Diabetics that have lived with it for over 50 years are a complete unknown to doctors - my Mom's generation is the first to have diabetics that have lived that long. Her blood sugars are unpredictable when she's stressed, no matter what she eats or does. Her doctors are really great with her, but her sugar drops to really dangerous levels with absolutely no warning and for no understandable reason. It's not bad enough to be trying to do all this stuff, but to have to stop dead and treat hypoglycemia damned near every day just pushes my patience to the edge.

My boyfriend came to visit and got me to leave for 24 hours. His family lives about 90 minutes away, so we took off Sunday afternoon and returned Monday afternoon. No big deal, right? Wrong. I had arranged with neighbors to keep an eye on Mom and that they would come and check on her if needed. I called her around 9 pm to check on her, and it went to voice mail, so I figured she was talking to her family and kept calling. At 10:30 Dad called me, telling me that he hadn't been able to get through either. So I called the neighbors and they came over, finding that the phone was not hung up correctly. Whew. I made the 3:00 a.m. blood sugar check phone call and that was ok. Double whew. But on Monday morning, when Mom tried to go to the nursing home to see Dad, she got lost, despite having directions taped to the dashboard of the car. She was afraid to try to go home, so she stayed at the nursing home until I got back at 3 p.m.

So, I've learned that there are no days off and that I really can't just leave. I'm going to have to find some help around here, but my parents don't agree. Ugh.

There's battles to be fought with the insurance company over the price of chemo, and many other phone calls to be made. But I'm realizing that I've GOT to set a schedule with time for me to do things that make me feel like I'm not being picked to death by birds. I'll keep you posted.

Dr. U.

What a long strange week it has been

I can't believe that it has only been a week since my last post. It seems like eternity. It has been a very rough week, with 2 trips to the ER, near murder of a pharmacy employee, and a good old fashioned emotional meltdown or two. I'll post the various misadventures over the next few days. They are rather funny in that "If you don't laugh, you'll cry sort of way".

Sometimes you win

When you're taking care of your parents, you've got to "roll around" in the small victories.

Dad has conceded that hand rails in the shower "might be helpful" and that a taller toilet "would be nice". They're being installed today and tomorrow.

Mom let me take all the medical information - bills, insurance stuff, prescription stuff- and organize it into binders in a system that I can understand. Since I'm dealing with it all, it's going to be a big help.

Lest I get too cocky about getting the hang of things here, my Mom's cat clawed the crap out of me as I caught her to lock her up while the handyman is working on the bathroom. The cat has already not been amused by my moving home, but this clearly went over the line for the feline. Anyone know of a good concealer/foundation for cat scratches?

They Just Don't Get It

My parents have some well intentioned friends who call wanting to talk to my Dad on the phone. They just don't get how much my Dad's speech is impaired and how frustrating it is for him to have to repeat himself.

Some friends are always telling me what I need to "make my parents do". They just don't get that my parents are still adults and still entitled to make their own decisions. I can't force Dad to go to physical therapy any more than my Dad could force me to do much of anything.

My boyfriend misses me terribly. I miss him too, but he just doesn't get that making me feel bad for not being at home doesn't help my mental state at all.

My Mom doesn't get that I've walked away from my home, my career and my financial stability. My last paycheck will come in a couple of weeks. I'm terrified. She just doesn't get it.

I didn't have any idea how hard it would be to live here with just my parents as companionship. I just didn't get it.