Home and Back Again

Sorry about the lapse in posts. I returned to my home for a week and a half for a doctor's appointment and to check up on a project in the lab. I was far busier than I thought I would be, and didn't get much done that I wanted to, but I got things done that I didn't think I would, so I guess it comes out even.

I'm back in "Parentville" and while nothing has really changed, some things have happened that make things seem worse. That doesn't really make sense, so let me explain...

Mom's dementia has now been confirmed medically. She went through a battery of tests with a neuropsychologist last year, and the final report has been submitted to her doctor. The four page report confirms what Dad and I have known, she's got significant memory deficits and is cognatively well below what she should be for someone of her age, education and history. The report says repeatedly that it is not Alzheimers, and that MRI and CT doesn't show anything abnormal, but something is definitely wrong.

On one hand, this is good. I now have a 4 page letter to remind me that her behavior is not her fault and that she's not trying to be mean, annoying or rude. On the other hand, this is hard evidence that this is the new normal. This isn't going to get better and is likely to get worse.

Dad is still weak and tired from the big cycle of radiation and chemo, and I think he's still waiting for the "recovery fairy" to sprinkle magic dust on him so that he'll feel better. Unfortunately, there is no magic dust, so he's probably going to have to suck it up and go to physical therapy. I'm at the ultimate "child as caregiver" dilemma - how do you make your parent do what is best, without making them feel like they aren't in control of their own decisions? Maybe I should research magic dust to make Fathers less stubborn.

So nothing is really different, but nothing is the same either. Weird.

Top Ten Signs Your Elderly Parents Need You At Home

In no particular order, and an incomplete list at this point. Feel free to add more in the comments.

1. You can't find any clean dishes in the cupboard. Everything that's in there is kind of dirty. ("It's wasteful for two people to use the dishwasher")
   
2. Your Dad hasn't used a turn signal in a year.
3. While at home, you find yourself wondering "I wonder what Mom is burning for dinner".
4. They watch the Game Show Network.
5. They fight over the motorized wheelchair cart thingie at Wal-Mart.
6. You worry that the movie Gran Torino has given your Dad ideas.
   

Good News As Leave Begins

First the good news, Dad's tumor has responded to radiation and chemo. It is smaller and the swelling around the tumor is going down. YAY! He'll be on maintenance chemo (5 days of Temodar every 4 weeks) until that stops working.

Today is the first day that I really feel like I'm on leave. Classes at my U start next Monday, and if I weren't on leave I'd have been at the office today, finishing my coursepacks and syllabi. Instead, I was driving to Parentville, and tonight I'm planning to read a novel, watch TV and fall asleep. Definitely not my usual to do list for the week before classes begin!

I'm already twitching for something to do. This is going to be interesting.